February 26, 2009

  • I Don't Understand.


    I really don't understand how it's so hard.  I don't understand how it is so difficult to have compassion for someone, to try and understand what it is they are going through and feel sympathy (or sorrow) for them and feel compelled to do whatever is in your power to alleviate their suffering.  I don't understand how people can't slow down long enough to put themselves in another person's shoes, and try to picture life through their eyes, to try to collect as many details as possible before making an assessment or judgment about whatever the issue at hand is.  It is beyond my comprehension that people can make blanket statements that are judgmental about an entire group of people, all sorts of crazy generalizations about their character or situation, without getting to know them, without fully understanding that every person is different and has an entirely different story/history that brought them to where they are (and who they are) today. 

    People are people.  Individuals.  Different.  Just because they are gay, or African American, or Latino or Asian American, or transgender, bisexual, a teenage parent, a divorcee, an anorexic, stuck in an abusive relationship, a cutter, a prostitute, the idiot driver who cut you off pulling out of the parking lot, drug users, drug abusers, obsessed with coffee, a teacher, a lawyer, a doctor, a carpenter, suicidal, having premarital sex, someone who underwent an abortion, physically or mentally disabled, into S&M or BDSM, twenty years older than you, twenty years younger than you, Jewish, athiest, D-cup sized, A-cup sized, 8", 4' tall, 7' tall, depressed, a widow, consistently late for work, impoverished, emotionally immature, whatever you can think of, DOES NOT MEAN that they are just like anyone else in that position or condition. 

    People are people.  Individuals.  Different.  No two people are the same. Some people may be similar, some people may share similar life stories, some people may share similar views, perspectives, values, beliefs and opinions, but that does not make these two people the same. It is therefore unfair to judge these two people the same. Because they are not.  They are not.

    Get to know someone before you judge them. Get to know their heart. Get to know their past.  Think of some stereotypes you hold right now.  Think of some people you feel fit the stereotypes, think of some people you feel contradict the stereotypes, think of some people you don't know well enough to judge.  Do you do it anyway?  Trying to fit everyone, everything, every situation into your pre-existing schemes; not about to venture out and learn, get educated, get acquainted, get beyond the surface, get down to the heart of the matter.  No. 

    No, it is so much easier to judge.  And so much more rewarding.  No?

    Bad news gets more attention than good news, judgement gets more views than compassion, violence keeps people's attention longer than kindness, people are happier when they can point fingers, people are happier when they can shoot others' beliefs down, happiness (and in some cases, salary) increases with views (no matter how accurate or truthful the article), and here on Xanga it is... having their blog featured, having 200 comments that agree with them (even if the total was 500... those other 300 don't matter; they don't fit into my scheme!). 

    But it's not right. It's not right. 

    It's not rewarding, to turn on the news and hear about a rape.  It's not rewarding to turn on the news and hear about a beating.   It is not rewarding to hear about a suicide, or someone starving themselves to death, or someone murdered by the jealous ex.  It is not rewarding to sign into Xanga and hear something about your particular demographic that is entirely untrue and uncalled for.  It is not rewarding to know that society is still pushing stereotypes and encouraging oppression and justifying entirely unjustifiable thought and behavior.  It is not rewarding.  It is not.  It is sick. 

    And it is completely acceptable. 

    In fact, it is even praised.  Rewarded with a paycheck, two eprops, a rec, a salary.

    I want there to be a day when the news is saturated with stories of compassion and love and random acts of kindness.  I don't care if saying this makes me a dreamer.  Really, I don't.  I don't care if saying that I want all people to accept people for who they are -- whoever they are -- makes me an idealist.  This is my soul.  And I am sick--literally sick--right now, from watching everyone point fingers and belief-bash, and generalize and stereotype and oppress.  I amaze myself for believing that society is better than this.  I amaze myself when I feel let down or sad by witnessing public displays of ignorance (or fear or intolerance or judgment).  I should be used to it.  I mean, really.  It is everywhere.

    But aye, I am a dreamer. And in my little world there is a whole lot more love.  A whole lot more acceptance.  I whole lot more people-embracing and belief-embracing.  And a whole lot more compassion.

    But I am not stupid enough to live there, in my own little world, forever. I am friends with the opposing views; I know them well.  Other religious beliefs, other cultural differences, other political views, other family values -- I am even familiar with the realization that many people lack beliefs, views, and values. 

    Some people sleepwalk through life.  I live it.

    Understanding ignorance and fear and intolerance doesn't make me any less sick though.

    So I am going to ask you something.  All I am asking of you is that you stop being part of the problem. Get to know the demographic you judge, or shut up.  It isn't fair for the oppressed to have to deal with your condemntation.  We are all just people trying to live life.  So until you know my heart, don't judge me. 

    And that goes for every soul I am giving a voice to right now.

Comments (24)

  • This is really awesome.   There are a lot of people out there who just want to put everyone into groups, which can be useful for certain things, like psychology, but when it comes down to it we have to recognize each individual as being unique.   There are stereotypes which are mainly true, and those which are mainly false, but no one fits it perfectly.   for that reason, the stereotype is not a person in the first place.   it is an amalgamation of traits, perceived or actually observed, and then applied as a blanket with no holes for peeking your head through.

    I'd like to imagine that the people who do this are a minority.   I truly believe that.   People are generally good and kind and understanding.   The less popular an opinion is, the more vocal the proponents of it will be.   This means that people with new ideas who are moving us forward will have to be extremely vocal and fight a lot of ignorance to change the paradigm.   It also means that people with old ideas trying to keep us back will get more and more vocal the less accepted and the more challenged their opinion is.

    Have hope.   These people saying hurtful things are getting angrier and more radical because the reasonable people are leaving those ideas behind, the majority of people are leaving those ideas behind.   Shifting the paradigm is always a struggle with a lot of nasty things said, but in the end it's for the greater good and is always worth fighting.   Trust that the majority of those people would be on your side if they weren't brought up to be another way.   If it's truly a discriminatory thing you are fighting, then it is always right to assume that the people holding that view will either come to your side or fade away.

    As they say, the arch of civilization is long but it bends towards justice

    Don't give up hope =)   There are a lot more people out there who love and respect you than you will ever hear from, because they think it's so obvious that you deserve respect that they shouldn't have to argue the point in the first place.

  • You are too right.  I only hope you get heard.

  • what if the demographic we hate are snobby girls who think they own everything? Do we *really* have to dive so deep to figure out why they need to control everything? It is *SO* much easier to just lump all bossy bitchy prima-donna girls into this one category and say they should all be shipped off to an orphanage in uzbekistan to learn firsthand what suffering is!!!!

    ;o)

  • Idealism!

    Belief-bashing is too, too easy a thing to pick up. Trying not become one of those really angry ex-Christians, myself. It would be too easy. :(

  • This is great!
    Imma REC it, for sure.

  • good post.   It sucks to be judged and it's hard not to judge... we're almost conditioned to do it.   But that never makes it okay, and we're all capable of taking a hard look at ourselves and asking whether what we're doing is really right.

  • Very well-thought, well-written, and incredibly convicting. I read a post on featured about people who say they're broke, although the author made many good points, and I appreciated that post for the message that it was trying to send out, I did feel a little put out about the harsh generalizations with the 20-something group. Great job, and hopefully some day saying , "I want there to be a day when the news is saturated with stories of compassion and love and random acts of kindness." will not make you a dreamer!!

  • thanks for sayin that 

    i wunder who will takit to hart

  • As always, you have provided a well-conceived argument. Man, I love your writing. 

  • I think this is what happens when the structures we create for self-expression become co-opted for the purpose of sensationalism and controversy.  Lots of the featured blogs on Xanga are just designed to set people on one another, and it kind of makes me sick.  It also makes a blog like yours, which is so heartfelt and honest, a relief to read (even if I don't comment often).

    It's funny because I struggle with the balance between respecting the differences among people -- the individual collections of adjectives that make us unique -- and recognizing that underneath those identities, we all bleed and breathe and experience emotions like anyone else.  So on the one hand, we have to start with the premise that we're all the same underneath in order to respect and celebrate the things that make us all so different from one another.  I think that's hard for a lot of people to do, because by nature humans like to categorize things.  We're all about nouns: car, book, man, woman, cat, dog, black, white, homo-, hetero-, Christian, Jew.

    We need to stop thinking in terms of nouns and start thinking about all these differences as adjectives.  I think that would benefit everyone in the end, so long as we can move past the binaries and start to see just how rich life is when we think of these as things that describe us rather than categories that pigeonhole us...

  • I couldn't agree more.

  • Can we ever really know anyone's heart?

  • @NightCometh - If you read my Xanga, you can know mine.  I don't know about the rest of the world, but I definitely think it is possible, through honesty, transparent communication, and authentic living.

  • I had to REC this.

    Xo

  • You can sign me up, but I do this anyway. People don't care about compassion . . . it's preferable to be cool . . . and it always guarantees you a place at the top of the heap if you keep putting people down.

  • You are like an angel. This is why I love you because my belief in loving everyone stems from that original hatred of being brainwashed with the stereotypical and judgmental views of my childhood.
    You know exactly how to word this diabolical fad and I only wish my 16 year old sister would take the time out to read this.
    I feel like we walk around with blinders on just so we don't have to take in the feelings of others. 'What we don't know won't hurt us' but what we don't understand is that the less we know about the person sitting next to us expressing a significant amount of sorrow and sadness, will only hurt them more. It's another person not caring, another person not observing or taking that time out to really try and understand what they are going through or actually asking how their day was or how life is treating them and waiting to hear a genuine response not the generic "fine" or "alright".
    What I want to see is more interpersonal conversation with strangers.
    I want more people to live their lives vicariously threw others because without getting to know others we are hurting ourselves. We are sticking our head in the sand and pretending like everything we create for ourselves is what we should believe and live on. No.
    (I use the pronoun "we" because I'm not perfect and sometimes I do it too.)
    Thank you, for using the perfect words to describe how I feel everyday, every time I hear a generalization of human beings being cast into one group. Thank you.
    I love you.

  • this is wonderful.

    <3

  • You are fantastic, Eli.  Thanks for writing this.

  • Excellent post!!!  I agree 100%, and  have posted similar thoughts.  I include a link to my entry below.  I invite you to check out my site.  Nice meeting you.

    I Love My Friends, And Support Them- Updated with content added

  • why do you write so well. lol

  • Words of wisdom. The world would be a better place if more people thought  and behaved like this. Bravo!

  • I had something really awesome to put here but I forgot what it was. But bravo, again, on an excellent post.

    I know a lot of people who are very quick to judge others. It's incredibly irritating. I notice at school a lot that if any authoritative figure, be it teacher, supervisor, vice principle or principle, is strict in any way or tells you not to do this or that, they automatically become a huge 'bitch', 'jackass', 'dick', or 'asshole'. It's ridiculous. I've actually got a few teachers who I'm good friends with. They're people too. Just like you said, it doesn't matter if they're 20 years older or 20 years younger. You just have to take the time to get to know them. Chances are you'll find a lot of common ground.

    A few years back we did this study in one of our classes. The teacher told everyone to come up with as many compliments as possible and to just yell them out. Everyone struggled and there were a lot of silent moments. But when he said to yell out as many insults as possible, everyone was yelling and screaming. I guess it really is easier to be judgmental.

    P.S. You commented on my Xanga saying that you had some stuff to say about chests and society's double-standards. I would like to hear what you have to say. :O

  • well said ... makes me think of something from my youth about "walking a mile in another's shoes" ...

  • Hi! I'm Amanda!
    I forgot what prompted me to add to you as a friend, but I think I remember it being one of your posts? Anyways, everytime someone brings up this story or something like it about our blind indifference and tendency to categorize all under one, I think of the Christmas Eve in the Trenches (of No Man's Land) World War I story. Basically, the british, french and german cease fire for christmas eve and somehow come out of their respective trenches and mingle with thier apparent opponents. When it's time for fighting to resume they can't bring themselves to hurt people who's lives they found out about through sharing famil pictures and stories and playing ball together in the trench the eve of christmas. Also a demonstration of the example that worldly issues are really a disagreement between the leaders not neccessarily, IF AT ALL, the coumtry's people who apparently are in the leader's best interest.

    Anyways, you're cool! Nice blog!

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment