“How to Kill a Trans*person”
by Ceridwen Troy

On Saturday, Sanesha Stewart, a transwoman of color living in the Bronx, was murdered in her own apartment. She was 25 years old. Her accused killer, Steve McMillan, had known her for months, yet when he was arrested, he claimed to have been enraged to find out that she was what the media coverage called not really a woman. He stabbed her over and over again in the chest and throat. She tried to fight him off; there were defensive wounds found on her hands.

On Tuesday, eighth-grader Lawrence King was in a classroom in Oxnard, Calif. He was openly gay, and often came to school in gender-bending clothing, makeup, jewelry and shoes. According to another student, it was “freaking the guys out”. One of them shot Lawrence in the head. He was declared brain-dead on Wednesday.

It is easy to look at cases like this and think, how tragic. How random. How senseless.

But then, you forget how easy it is to kill a transgender person.

You forget that all across this nation, faith leaders of all stripes, men and women who claim to speak for God Himself, call us sinners, call us abominations, call us evil.

You forget that at best the media depicts us as something to be pitied, something that our families must be strong and overcome. At worst, they depict us as abnormal, exploiting our bodies for ratings, exploiting the public’s fear of us for shock value.

You forget that on a good day, law enforcement agents are neglectful of us, and that far more frequently they join in our harassment. You forget the transwomen of color who are rounded up on suspicions of prostitution. You forget the beatings that go uninvestigated. You forget the molestation and rape we face when we are arrested.

You forget the medical establishment that drains our wallets for the therapy and hormones and surgeries they tell us we need. You forget the way we are then refused treatment when we are dying, dying of treatable diseases, dying of easily patched wounds.

You forget that, by the law of the land, it is legal in the majority of states to deny us employment, to deny us service, to deny us housing.

You forget the shelters and the rape crisis centers that will not allow us through their doors.

You forget that many of us do not even have family to turn to when we are at our most desperate.

You forget that the leaders of our own community have told us that it is not time for us to have rights, that it is not pragmatic for us to be considered worthy of the same respect as other human beings.

You forget that in our own circles, it is considered a negative thing to be too flamboyant. You forget the way our pride parades have been derided by our own community. You forget the scorn heaped upon drag queens by other gay men. You forget the fear to be seen in public with a friend who is considered too open, too queer.

You forget the way it seeps into the minds of transgender people, too. You forget the way a transsexual will shout that she is not a crossdresser, as if there were something wrong with that. You forget the catty names we call each other if we don’t “pass”.

You forget how many of us take our own lives every year.

You forget because the noise is always there, a constant drone in the background. Every newspaper piece that calls a transwoman “he” instead of “she”. Every talk show host who spends an hour talking about our genitals. Every childish taunt about “looking like a tranny”. Every transperson who talks about themselves as “true” transsexuals. Every activist and politician who tells us “now is not the time”.

You forget too, how easy it is to kill a person of color, with myths about “gangstas” and lies about immigrants. You forget how easy it is to kill a person living in poverty, cutting off her welfare because she is supposedly being paid to breed. You forget how easy it is to kill a sex worker, with sex-shaming language, slinging about slurs like “hooker” and “whore”.

You forget the message hidden inside every single one of those statements.

“You are less than I am. You are not worthy of the rights and respect that I am worthy of.

“You are not human.”

It is very easy to kill something that you do not see as human.

It is very easy to kill a transperson.

Rape culture is a set of values and beliefs that provide an environment conducive to rape.  (that is, the generic culture surrounding and promoting rape, not the specific settings in which rape is likely to occur.)

Rape culture is pervasive insistence that false reports are common, although they are less common (1.6%) than false reports of auto theft (2.6%).

Rape culture is pervasive claims that women make rape accusations willy-nilly, when 61% of rapes remain unreported.

Rape culture is a ruling that says women cannot withdraw consent once sex commences.

Rape culture is boys under 10 years old knowing how to rape.

Rape culture is blurred lines between persistence and coercion.

Rape culture is treating diminished capacity to consent as the natural path to sexual activity.

Rape culture is. . . Click Here to learn more about Rape Culture.

Rape culture is asking the questions on this exam:

Rape culture is a culture that blames the victim of rape. 

Rape culture is a culture that doesn’t understand exactly what rape is.

Rape culture is when research on sexual assault is done where quotes such as the following are collected:

Rape culture is not understanding that alcohol undoes consent.
- “Specifically related to the issues of intoxication, it should be noted that if a person is unconscious or their judgment is impaired by alcohol or drugs, legally they are unable to give consent. These types of laws are meant to protect people from being taken advantage of when they are intoxicated.”  (source: men against abuse now: alcohol and consent)
- “Know that if someone is intoxicated they cannot legally consent to sex. Having sex with someone who is intoxicated is rape.” (student health services at illinois university)

Rape culture is a culture with thousands of songs that celebrate drunkenness, drugs, rape, and sexual harassment. 

ALL of the following songs incorporate both drinking and sex.

Rape culture is a culture that allows men to watch girls and sexually evaluate women alone and in the presence of other men and writes it off as “boys will be boys”.  Rape culture characterizes “girl watching” as only play, a fun game, harmless- while more than 1/3 of women have reported experiencing unwanted sexual teasing, jokes, or remarks about their body. 

 - “What most men don’t realize is that all women in our society are on the receiving end of unwanted sexual attention at some point in their lives, and most of them get it a lot. Women are catcalled on the street. They’re harassed in bars, groped in clubs, and whistled at in the grocery store. They’re told that they need to be sexy to be valued and then they’re attacked as sluts. Simply put, women put up with sexual intrusion for most of their lives, in big ways and small. It happens everywhere and most men have no idea how much of an impact it has.“  (source: “the most important thing that men who have sex with women need to know”)

- Boys are told from a young age that whatever they do will be excused under the “boys will be boys” mantra, and that “boys will be boys” mentality leads to what I call the “boiling frog” problem of women’s sexual boundaries. I call it that because if you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will jump right out, but if you put a frog into a pot of room-temperature water and slowly heat it to a boil, the frog will acclimate as it heats and never jump out, eventually boiling to death. Similarly, when we learn as young girls to tolerate “low-level” boundary violations like the ones we often are forced to suffer in silence at school, at home and on the street – bra-snapping, boob-grabbing, ass pinching, catcalling, dick flashing “all in good fun” relentless violations that adults and authorities routinely ignore – it makes it harder for us to notice when even greater boundaries are being violated, eventually leading to the reality that many women who are raped just freeze and fall silent, because that’s what they’ve been taught to do over and over since day one. You tell me what’s more infantilizing: repeatedly letting boys (and grown men) off the hook for their behavior because “boys will be boys” and we can’t ever expect any differently, or creating a consent standard in which all partners take active responsibility for their partner’s safety, and which acknowledges the truly diseased sexual culture we’re soaking in every day.  (source: the yes means yes blog)

more:

rape culture- the blurry line between fun and harm, joking and harassment, consent and rape. 

click the image for the source

1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.
(14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape)

17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape.

9 of every 10 rape victims were female in 2003.

While about 80% of all victims are white, minorities are somewhat more likely to be attacked.

60% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police, according to a statistical average of the past 5 years.
Those rapists, of course, never spend a day in prison.
Factoring in unreported rapes, only about 6% of rapists ever serve a day in jail.

Consent

speaks of both persons’ active agreement to engage in sexual activities, wholeheartedly and freely, without pressure, obligation, or ambivalence; good partnered sex requires good communication, a good idea of what the encounter will involve, and absolute allowance to stop or set new boundaries at any time without a problem. Consensual sex never involves pushing or coercion, or one person doing something they don’t very much want to do. Consent isn’t “well maybe” “I guess so” or “oh all right”- consent is a clear, enthusiastic “YES!”

one cannot consent when:
- they are under the legal age of consent.  (find out the legal age in your area here.)
- their judgment is impaired due to the use of drugs or alcohol
- they are not of the appropriate mental capacity

Rape occurs when a person is forced into a sexual act against their will, with physical force or some form of strong coercion.  If a person consents to sex under duress, such as threats to harm friends or family, or if the victim has been given drugs or alcohol to produce consent, that is also rape.

Rape has subcategories.

• “Forcible rape” generally implies physical force or full-body violence.
• “Date rape” or “acquaintance rape” applies to a rape committed by someone known to the rape victim. 
• “Spousal rape” refers to a rape that has occurred between married people. 
• “Gang rape” is the term for a rape in which more than one rapist is involved. 
• “Statutory rape” implies a legal adult, or person over the legal age of consent, engaging in sexual activity with a minor, or a person under the legal age of consent.
• “Attempted rape” and “assault with intent to rape” are terms used to describe an instance in which rape did not take place, but was intended or attempted.  Rape may also be classed as sexual assault, abuse, or molestation.

While very few people are confused about what forcible rape is, many people are in denial about other types of rape.  Coercion–pushing and pressuring a partner to have sex until they finally give in–can be rape.  Pursuing sex with someone who is clearly inebriated, under the influence of drugs, or distressed is also rape, if sex does ensue. 

Sexual harassment:  Unwelcome and uninvited sexual advances, requests for sexual favors–even in the form of jokes–or other sexually-loaded verbal or physical conduct are sexual harassment, when accepting or rejecting that behavior or those advances could affect a person’s employment, interfere with a person’s performance, or create an intimidating, hostile, or offensive enviornment.  While its most often applied in job enviorments, sexual harrassment can occur in schools, community centers, online, and other areas.

Sexual harassment has the power and impact it has for the same reason it’s so rarely reported: because in a culture where sex is seen as shameful, it’s very easy to shame someone into silence where sex is concerned, and our culture has a tendency to blame the victim of a sexual crime.

lack of a “no” is not a “yes”

understand consent.
take a stand against rape.

“Sometimes in life, things happen too fast. We barely solve one problem when two new problems surface. We’re feeling great in the morning, but we’re submerged in misery by nightfall.

Every day we face interruptions, delays, changes, and challenges. We face personality conflicts and disappointments. Often when we’re feeling overwhelmed, we can’t see the lessons in these experiences.

One simple concept can get us through the most stressful of times. It’s called gratitude. We learn to say thank you for these problems and feelings. Thank you for the way things are. I don’t like this experience, but thank you anyway.

Force gratitude until it becomes habitual. Gratitude helps us stop trying to control outcomes. It is the key that unlocks positive energy in our life. It is the alchemy that turns problems into blessings, and the unexpected into gifts.

Today, I will be grateful. I will start the process of turning today’s pain into tomorrow’s joy.”

spring schedule so far

• research methods
  study of scientific reasoning and critical thinking, correlational and experimental research approaches, including control, designs, statistical analyses, and hypothesis testing
• psych of language
  study of language behavior and its relation to learning and thought processes. attention to language acquisition and psychological phenomena of speech and speech perception. social aspects of language and non-verbal communication
• masculinities
  examines how masculinities are constructed and represented culturally, socially, and institutionally; how race, class, gender, sexuality, age, ability, and nationality inflect understandings of masculinity; how masculinities may reproduce or challenge inequalities
• rape and sexual assault
  explores the realities of rape in our culture with special attention given to acquaintance rape. also: society’s response to and perpetuation of rape on both grass roots and institutional levels. areas to be explored will include: activism; education/prevention; advocacy; legal and therapeutic theories

alsoooo one of the following:

• psych of perception
  perceptual processes of form, color, movement, space, localization, and constancy. consciousness.
• psych of memory and thinking
  theories and research regarding the mental processes of acquiring and retaining information for later retrieval, and the manipulation of that information for complex skills such as reasoning, decision-making, and problem solving
• modern philosophy
  philosophy of the 17th and 18th centuries: bacon, hobbes, descartes, spinoza, leibnitz, locke, berkeley, hume, and/or kant. topics may include: subject/object, mind/body, self/other; theories of knowledge; ethical and political theories
• later greek and roman philosophy
  selected works of the ancient stoics, epicureans, skeptics, and neoplatonists in their historical and cultural contest
• history of christian thought
  a survey of representative thinkers and documents of the christian tradition, from biblical times to the present. also: the christian encounter with other religions and cultures

but which one?  vote now.

Go to the library, local bookstore, or hit the web – check out a magazine that you wouldn’t normally read that is targeted at either men or women. No porn please! For example: Maxim, FHM, Men’s Health Magazine, GQ, Esquire; Cosmopolitan, Ms., Women’s Health, Vogue, W. Describe 3 examples from the magazine (either from images, ads, articles, etc.) that either support or oppose traditional gender roles and stereotypes. Do you think the magazine is constrained by social norms (i.e. broadcasts what the reader expects/wants), or is responsible for maintaining these social norms? Pick one of the major explanations for sex differences from the text (e.g. Social Roles, Socialization, Evolutionary, or Hormone Theory) and use it to explain why the publishers of your magazine might feel justified in presenting a gender in a certain way.

Cosmopolitan magazine is not only constrained by social norms, but it capitalizes on them. The idea that men and women are “opposites” permeates the language, layout, and purpose of the entire magazine. A “woman’s” magazine, it is littered with advice for women (but only feminine, heterosexual women) and their relationships with (judging from the contents) masculine, heterosexual men. (I didn’t see any room for women who are gay or unconcerned with fashion or beauty or sex anywhere within the pages. But I also didn’t expect to.)

Their articles range on their justifications for why they maintain social norms. In the article “8 Times It Plays to Be Cocky” they flat-out blame testosterone (hormonal theory) for the reason men have “always been more comfortable than women with blowing their own horn… and reaping the benefits”, while in the article “Why Guys Cheat on Hot Women” they point to theories of social learning in saying that “Many two-timers come from chauvinistic cultures or families where their fathers cheated. ‘There are internal blueprints (created by watching our parents) that make cheating more of an option for some guys.’” In yet another article, “6 Fascinating Facts About Men Today”, they note socialization theory, that men are “told to be thoughtful, caring, passionate, connected, fathering types [but also] still expected to be ‘macho.’” It seems to me that they will take justification for being sexist and heterosexist from just about any source, even if that means misrepresenting academic studies on gendered behavior. (Almost every article contains something said by somebody with a PhD somewhere and I personally don’t feel that from those studies they could draw the conclusions they drew – at least, not every time.)

And, I can’t blame them. If they instead suggested the truth, that men and women are more alike than different, they would eventually phase out the need for their magazine. You don’t need a magazine to tell you how to interact with men if you have the know-how to do it yourself – so, in order for sales to continue, men need to continue to be “othered” and explained off as some unusual creature from another planet; “pleasing your man” needs to remain among a woman’s top concerns (oh, and she needs to be ignorant about it, too!); and infidelity needs to be explained away by science so as to not fix the problem but sweep it under the rug like everything else.

Above all, I am outraged, I am physically upset to see women presented as sex objects in “their own” magazines.  While I don’t condone the depiction of women as objects in magazines geared towards heterosexual men (such as Esquire and FHM), it seems somehow less harmful than writing articles to women telling them that all they’re good for is… their beauty, their youthfulness, and their sexuality. (Did I miss anything?)  I mean, obviously they’re not useful for their intellect, because according to Cosmo women spend all of their time thinking about men, sex, fashion, drinking martinis, men, hair, sex, shoes, dresses, men, beauty, sex, and men, and this leaves no time for politics, academics, education, family, work, what really makes a relationship work (hint: not sex… or even beauty), or anything else in life that might matter (like finance).

There’s a theory out there called Sexual Objectification Theory that would explain why some women love Cosmo. It’s this theory that, because society treats women as little more than an instrument of sexuality or object to use, women can only begin to evaluate themselves in terms of their beauty and sex appeal, which leads to body shame and insecurity… and eventually mental health risks like depression and eating disorders.  But anyway, because Cosmo plays into women’s insecurities about their body that they’ve internalized because of our sexist culture, women want to read it because they want to find out how to fix the problems they experience because of our sexist culture.  It’s an extremely marketable cycle of feeling like shit.  Tons of companies (thousands, millions) capitalize on making women feel unattractive.  Don’t you love capitalism?

To be fair, I study this area more than probably any other area and I could write a million more paragraphs expressing my distaste towards Cosmo and magazines like it.  We live in a society that could position things with a lot more gender sensitivity, with much more gender-sensitive language, and people choose not to for the sake of sales.  Every day, lives are ruined when gender variant people (feminine men, masculine women, transgender and transsexual people) are bullied, harassed, and even killed for their gender expression… and magazines like this not only maintain but promote a culture where that makes sense.  In my world, that’s not okay.

Feel free to discuss this, challenge this, praise this or whatever you want with me.

The sad truth is that one vote doesn’t make a difference. In your opinion, what’s the best way to make a political difference?

collective action.

one vote may not matter but a thousand votes certainly do. that said, voting isn’t enough; voting is about the least effective thing you could do if you’re looking for political change. you can act personally and (better) collectively political in a number of ways.

vote with your wallet/ feet.

probably the most important thing you can do is vote with your wallet and feet (they go hand-in-hand most of the time). only buy the goods and services that you feel promote the social change that you want, and boycott the things you think work against your cause. if a bar you frequent tolerates sexist behavior (most bars?), stop going, get your friends to stop going, talk about it, threaten not to go back until things change and then follow through.  keep in mind, though, that boycotts don’t always affect the people you want for them to and you need to think all the details through. i learned during the target boycott that those who would be most affected were the workers (many of whom are gay) and not the uppities who supported the homophobic political figure. (i can’t find the article right now so i can’t remember names or details, but i do remember exactly why the boycott was a bad idea.) this kind of thinking and acting goes along with most things. if the way we treat our environment concerns you (and it should), do everything in your power to stop doing things that hurt the environment. keep your lights off, unplug the appliances you aren’t using, keep your heat reasonably low, use only reusable containers (travel mugs, thermoses, water bottles, microwaveable containers, canvas bags), put old plastic bags to good use (give them to someone that has a dog, use them for your smelly laundry- don’t throw them out), boycott places that use styrofoam carelessly (ie. dunkin doughnuts), be mindful of the waste you produce, encourage your friends to be mindful of the waste they produce. raise awareness.

raise awareness.

you don’t have to protest to make a difference (but you can!); there are a lot of other ways to raise awareness about policies and behaviors you want to see changed.  so do the research, provide information, get creative, and get out. be visible.  we live in a fast-paced world where a million things are expected of every one of us at every given second and we may not be mindful of the fact that the one water bottle a day we snag on our way to the gym adds up to hundreds of water bottles a year, which is a waste of not only plastic but money as well. so make demonstrations. if there’s a message you want to get across, say it.  people learn visually.   last week the recycling club lined the campus with old water bottles.  a couple weeks before that the feminist collective put signs about gender, domestic violence, rape, and other feminist issues all across campus. i’ve seen political writing and statistics in sidewalk chalk across campus.  get organized and then express your mind in a creative, highly visible way.  (just don’t hand out tracts. )  be prepared to have conversations and defend your beliefs while respecting others’ differences.  you might not change their mind about something at that moment but you might plant the seed that grows inside them.   if you can’t do any of that, use your facebook or twitter to bring awareness to the issues that concern you. put it on the web. get it out there.

counteract consumerism, corporatism. 

think local first.  support small businesses and farms that nurture their local community, provide local jobs, keep their carbon footprint low by staying local, work to reduce waste, and value their employees. support positive workplace culture.  cook your own meals and deserts and snacks. (make it from scratch; it tastes better, is better for you, is often cheaper than the shop bought stuff — and there’s no packaging to dispose of; packaging makes up the bulk of the garbage found in most homes… and on the side of the streets.)  bring your own lunch. don’t buy junk food. (you support not only unhealthy eating, but the corporations which produce this shit; you also support the excess waste that packaging produces.) don’t buy from vending machines. buy less. buy in bulk. recycle clothing (buy/donate). recycle. compost. grow you own vegetables and herbs. exchange services with your friends. barter. carpool. bike. keep your cost of living minimal. live within your means. try to keep your debt low. use cash over credit. use a diva cup instead of tampons or pads. repurpose old furniture. stop using using using buying buying buying.

demand genuine democracy.

politicians respond to the pressures put on them. so pressure them. in all the ways listed above, pressure them. and pressure them with your voice. WRITE to your politicians, WRITE to companies whose policies upset you, and get your friends to do it. collective voices talk louder than the wallets of billionaires only when enough people organize. this takes time and energy and organization (like everything else above). this requires donating a few hours of time a week to organizations or campaigns you feel passionate about, and/or leaving time for the letter-writing process. this means taking the time to get educated, the time to make demonstrations, the time to cook your own meals, the time to volunteer. make that time. if there isn’t a group for a cause you believe in, make your own, and then draw creative attention to it and get it going. PUSH. fucking pressure the people in power. people in power want to keep that power. we have the power to take it away.

we are not powerless. we are surrounded by millions of people who share our frustrations and our instinct for justice and rationality. it is your job to connect with each other. only together are we powerful. if we remain alone, we remain hopeless. fucking act out already. if we don’t turn onto politics, politics will turn on us.

the other day i had an appointment with one of my major advisors, and we reviewed my college transcript and the experience was relatively overwhelming because… i had no idea i have taken so many courses. 

as of fall 2010, i’ve completed (/am enrolled in, for five of these):

• sociology of religion
• major world religions
• intro to psychological principles
• developmental psychology
• adolescent psychology
• abnormal psychology
• social psychology
• psychology of gender
• psychology of personality
• intro to psychological testing
• elementary statistics
• pre-calculus 
• social problems in today’s world
• american national experience
• human sexuality
• lifetime wellness and fitness
• sociology of the family
• education in american society
• women: images & realities
• women in early modern europe
• human biology
• environmental biology
• 2d design
• modern poetry
• shakespeare
• performing skills for the classroom
• intermediate spanish i & ii
• sociolinguistics

makes sense now why my mind is always spinning.