April 27, 2011

• rape culture. and consent.

  
  Rape culture is a set of values and beliefs that provide an environment conducive to rape.  (that is, the generic culture surrounding and promoting rape, not the specific settings in which rape is likely to occur.)
  
  

  Rape culture is pervasive insistence that false reports are common, although they are less common (1.6%) than false reports of auto theft (2.6%).

  Rape culture is pervasive claims that women make rape accusations willy-nilly, when 61% of rapes remain unreported.

  Rape culture is a ruling that says women cannot withdraw consent once sex commences.

  Rape culture is boys under 10 years old knowing how to rape.

  Rape culture is blurred lines between persistence and coercion.

  Rape culture is treating diminished capacity to consent as the natural path to sexual activity.

  Rape culture is. . . Click Here to learn more about Rape Culture.

  
  Rape culture is asking the questions on this exam:
  

  
  

    “Write down five things a woman can do on a date to avoid date rape.”
    “Write down two things a woman can do to avoid being raped.”
    As the image says: this is victim blaming.
  

  Also. Men can be raped.

  
  Rape culture is a culture that blames the victim of rape. 

  Rape culture is teaching girls how to not get raped without teaching individuals not to rape. 

  Rape culture is a culture that doesn’t teach consent. 

  Rape culture is when issues of consent are blurry. 

  Rape culture is a culture that doesn’t understand exactly what rape is.

  
  

  Rape culture is when research on sexual assault is done where quotes such as the following are collected:
  

  - A hook up is… “When you are really drunk and meet up with a woman you sort of now, or possibly don’t know at all and don’t care about. You go home with her with the intention of getting ass much sexual, physical pleasure as she’ll give you, which can range from kissing to intercourse, without any strings attached.”
  - “[Date rape is] when a woman wakes up the next morning and regrets having sex.”
  - “Consent is a fine line.”
  - “I have a problem with the word rape. It sounds so criminal, and we are not criminals; we are sane people.”
  - “If that [the fact that a woman who is intoxicated is unable to consent to sex] is the legal definition of rape, than it happens all the time on this campus.”
  - “When women get drunk, they invite sex. Girls get drunk here and then come on to us. What are we supposed to do? We are only human.”
  

  Rape culture is not understanding that alcohol undoes consent.
  - “Specifically related to the issues of intoxication, it should be noted that if a person is unconscious or their judgment is impaired by alcohol or drugs, legally they are unable to give consent. These types of laws are meant to protect people from being taken advantage of when they are intoxicated.”  (source: men against abuse now: alcohol and consent)
  - “Know that if someone is intoxicated they cannot legally consent to sex. Having sex with someone who is intoxicated is rape.” (student health services at illinois university)

  Rape culture is a culture with thousands of songs that celebrate drunkenness, drugs, rape, and sexual harassment. 

  ALL of the following songs incorporate both drinking and sex.
  

  The Whistle Song (“Damn shorty look good and I’m thinkin bout gettin at her; time to whistle at her”)
  Drop it Low (“I can’t stop staring at your body, put my hands on your body, you sexy fo’ sho’”)
  I’m the Shit (“Is that yo girlfriend? I really like her. I’m talking only for a night- I wouldn’t wife her”)
  I Love College (“That party last night was awfully crazy I wish we taped it; I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked”)
  Hennessey (“Now that it’s poppin ain’t no love bitch”)
  Kush (“I’m on some new shit while your bitch is on my dick like a glue stick”)
  Tipsy (“Now I’m lookin at shorty right in the eyes; couple seconds passed now I’m lookin at her thighs”)
  Wasted (“And I don’t like to brag so my bitches brag for me, oh she a good girl, I got her transforming”)
  Drink Away the Pain, (“I used to be in love with this bitch named E and J; don’t fuck with her anymore now I fuck with Tanqueray”)
  Pop Bottles (“No I wouldn’t take ya girl but I shall take her tongue from her”)
  I Smoke I Drank (“I ain’t got nuthin but dick for you hoes”)
  Drunk and Hot Girls (“We go through too much bullshit just to mess with these drunk and hot girls”)
  Shots (“The ladies love us when we pour shots; they need an excuse to suck our cocks”)
  Stand Up (“The more drinks in your system the harder to fight!”)
  Pop Champagne (“All the girls give it to me, I ain’t gotta take it!”)
  Get Low (the whole song)
  
  (Other songs about alcohol: drive better drunk, everybody drunk, drunk by myself, my drink and my 2 step… my apologies for not dabbling into other genres. i know messages about rape, drinking, and sexual harassment pervade other genres as well.)

  Rape culture is a culture that allows men to watch girls and sexually evaluate women alone and in the presence of other men and writes it off as “boys will be boys”.  Rape culture characterizes “girl watching” as only play, a fun game, harmless- while more than 1/3 of women have reported experiencing unwanted sexual teasing, jokes, or remarks about their body. 

   - “What most men don’t realize is that all women in our society are on the receiving end of unwanted sexual attention at some point in their lives, and most of them get it a lot. Women are catcalled on the street. They’re harassed in bars, groped in clubs, and whistled at in the grocery store. They’re told that they need to be sexy to be valued and then they’re attacked as sluts. Simply put, women put up with sexual intrusion for most of their lives, in big ways and small. It happens everywhere and most men have no idea how much of an impact it has.“  (source: “the most important thing that men who have sex with women need to know”)

  - Boys are told from a young age that whatever they do will be excused under the “boys will be boys” mantra, and that “boys will be boys” mentality leads to what I call the “boiling frog” problem of women’s sexual boundaries. I call it that because if you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will jump right out, but if you put a frog into a pot of room-temperature water and slowly heat it to a boil, the frog will acclimate as it heats and never jump out, eventually boiling to death. Similarly, when we learn as young girls to tolerate “low-level” boundary violations like the ones we often are forced to suffer in silence at school, at home and on the street – bra-snapping, boob-grabbing, ass pinching, catcalling, dick flashing “all in good fun” relentless violations that adults and authorities routinely ignore – it makes it harder for us to notice when even greater boundaries are being violated, eventually leading to the reality that many women who are raped just freeze and fall silent, because that’s what they’ve been taught to do over and over since day one. You tell me what’s more infantilizing: repeatedly letting boys (and grown men) off the hook for their behavior because “boys will be boys” and we can’t ever expect any differently, or creating a consent standard in which all partners take active responsibility for their partner’s safety, and which acknowledges the truly diseased sexual culture we’re soaking in every day.  (source: the yes means yes blog)

  more:
  

   - a post about rape jokes
   - a post about rape (and other) jokes

  
  rape culture- the blurry line between fun and harm, joking and harassment, consent and rape. 

  ---

   facts
  

  
  click the image for the source
  

  1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.
  (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape)

  17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape.

  9 of every 10 rape victims were female in 2003.

  While about 80% of all victims are white, minorities are somewhat more likely to be attacked.

  60% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police, according to a statistical average of the past 5 years.
  Those rapists, of course, never spend a day in prison.
  Factoring in unreported rapes, only about 6% of rapists ever serve a day in jail.

  ---

  definitions

  Consent
  

  speaks of both persons’ active agreement to engage in sexual activities, wholeheartedly and freely, without pressure, obligation, or ambivalence; good partnered sex requires good communication, a good idea of what the encounter will involve, and absolute allowance to stop or set new boundaries at any time without a problem. Consensual sex never involves pushing or coercion, or one person doing something they don’t very much want to do. Consent isn’t “well maybe” “I guess so” or “oh all right”- consent is a clear, enthusiastic “YES!”

  one cannot consent when:
  - they are under the legal age of consent.  (find out the legal age in your area here.)
  - their judgment is impaired due to the use of drugs or alcohol
  - they are not of the appropriate mental capacity

  If you’re not mature enough to treat consent like a continual process, you’re not mature enough to be having sex. By which I don’t mean “OMG teh kidz can’t have teh sex!” I mean, if you can’t grasp and act on the basics of consent, you’re taking on a responsibility you’re not equipped to handle. Like stealing your parents’ car when you don’t know how to drive, you can really hurt yourself or someone else that way. (source: consent is not a lightswitch)

  
  Rape occurs when a person is forced into a sexual act against their will, with physical force or some form of strong coercion.  If a person consents to sex under duress, such as threats to harm friends or family, or if the victim has been given drugs or alcohol to produce consent, that is also rape.

  Rape has subcategories.
  

  • “Forcible rape” generally implies physical force or full-body violence.
  • “Date rape” or “acquaintance rape” applies to a rape committed by someone known to the rape victim. 
  • “Spousal rape” refers to a rape that has occurred between married people. 
  • “Gang rape” is the term for a rape in which more than one rapist is involved. 
  • “Statutory rape” implies a legal adult, or person over the legal age of consent, engaging in sexual activity with a minor, or a person under the legal age of consent.
  • “Attempted rape” and “assault with intent to rape” are terms used to describe an instance in which rape did not take place, but was intended or attempted.  Rape may also be classed as sexual assault, abuse, or molestation.

  While very few people are confused about what forcible rape is, many people are in denial about other types of rape.  Coercion–pushing and pressuring a partner to have sex until they finally give in–can be rape.  Pursuing sex with someone who is clearly inebriated, under the influence of drugs, or distressed is also rape, if sex does ensue. 

  “as someone who has been sexually abused, i don’t think it’s just children or really young folk [who need to be protected]. i was sixteen & he was twenty-eight. no obviously means no, but not saying anything means no, not moving means no, crying means no, i think maybe i should go home means no. it does not mean keep asking. it was really hard for me as a young person to tell this person that i respected and looked up to no. i said no once, but was bombarded with requests to do it anyway & eventually said yes even though my headspace was very no and more importantly my actions were very no. pay attention to body language.” (source: askforconsentalways)

  
  

  Nearly 60% of girls under age 15 and sexually active have reported some sort of involuntary or coerced sex.

  
  Sexual harassment:  Unwelcome and uninvited sexual advances, requests for sexual favors–even in the form of jokes–or other sexually-loaded verbal or physical conduct are sexual harassment, when accepting or rejecting that behavior or those advances could affect a person’s employment, interfere with a person’s performance, or create an intimidating, hostile, or offensive enviornment.  While its most often applied in job enviorments, sexual harrassment can occur in schools, community centers, online, and other areas.

  Sexual harassment has the power and impact it has for the same reason it’s so rarely reported: because in a culture where sex is seen as shameful, it’s very easy to shame someone into silence where sex is concerned, and our culture has a tendency to blame the victim of a sexual crime.
  

  the above “definitions” section taken from the book s.e.x. by heather corinna.

  
  

  
  
  lack of a “no” is not a “yes”

  
  understand consent.
  take a stand against rape.
  
  

  • 2:07 pm
  • 14 Comments