April 1, 2010

• i wove you this tapestry

  i'd consider myself a writer except words fail me too often. language can't keep up with the mind, the soul, the heart, culture, experience... we have words like "androgyny" to describe gender ambiguity, a word limited by its very definition, putting the androgyne in a binary, on a line, trapped in a false dichotomy. the androgyne becomes a mime, playing with the walls of the box- the box may not exist but it is very real. words. ideas. there's this word- "like"- this one word to describe the complex affectionate feelings between friendship and love. i like you. what does that mean? what's the soul trying to say? the body? is it different from what is leaving the mouth and reaching another's ears? you like me? what does that mean? if i had a creative mind i would string together complex words and phrases that would jump off a page like a schoolboy going to recess. i am that eager about language. but language, you frustrate me. language, you're so paradoxical. because without you we have nothing. you communicate our thoughts and ideas, you forge our friendships, you strengthen our relationships, you hold our entire perception of reality in your hands. communication establishes connections, and connections are what we live for. using another's language is a primary way of conveying respect and openness. but language can be meaningless. a word on a page, a term, a definition- it tells us none of what we need to know to have respectful, meaningful discussions; the definition alone communicates nothing. i hear what you're saying, but i cannot hear you. i don't speak that language. gender what? i'm sorry. what? no, no that's not my experience. no, no i'm sorry i don't understand. of course we're drawn to people who are like us. shared experiences. shared language. "the need for a recognizable identity, the need to belong to a group of people with a similar identity -- these are driving forces in our culture" - yes, yes kate. and with this, with this is the need to find others who speak our language. speak with me, i like you. i like you because you speak with me. you speak my language. i speak and you hear me. of course we like people who make us feel good- we all need affirmation; we all need human mirrors. we like people who speak our language, and language is shaped by culture and experience and knowledge. there is so much room for misunderstanding -- "well i learned to think this way, i learned this word meant that." you have to work to communicate. when communication happens without effort, there is a loss there. colors fade, vibrancy is lost, connections are broken. you lose out, you miss out. "when something is understood, when something is fully understood -- it was communicated with a deliberate effort, it was done so with care." is there a more beautiful, wonderful gift to someone? i am working right now to get you to understand me. i am making a deliberate, concentrated effort *to you* -- i am taking care and weaving my words in a more beautiful, intricate way. hello, i like you, i wove you this tapestry.

  • 7:58 pm
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